Monday, October 21, 2013

What I Know For Sure -29th Edition

1. Instagram has become my mini blog. Follow me at janiefox2.

2. I admit to loving a hashtag and constantly over using it.
#icantcare #getoverit #yourenotthebossofme

3. I was saddened but not surprised to learn of Kris and Bruce Jenner's impending divorce.
Over the last few years she has morphed into a media ho and he has morphed into an old lady.

4. I am not a Halloween fan b/c I don't like the scary part of it. However, I am a huge fan of fall pranking and dressing up.

5. When someone leaves their doors unlocked during prime pranking season, it is an invitation to enter and re-arrange their living room.

6. If we eat all your mini Butterfingers, I will make good and replace with a new bag.

7. Life-size silhouettes beg for conversation bubbles to be placed on them. #howudoin'?

8. When Annie and Jade have a Beachbody event outta town, Grandma Janie will pony up and spend the night with the kids. Pa Stuart will farm until 11p.m. then insist the need to stay in his own bed so he can rise every few hours and check his corn bin transfers.

9. I invited Caroline to spend the night with the gang because 4 spilled bowls of popcorn are better than 3.

10. I am not a fan of cats. Annie and Jade have a teenage house cat.

11. You know when a cat is a teenager because they are long and skinny. They are annoying, and want to stay up late at night and be loud.

12. Stella went to stay with Annie's family when we had a fire. She never returned home. It is better this way since she stole Everett's heart and she took her funky smell with her.

13. Letting the house cat out when you let the dogs out at bedtime is not a good idea. They head straight for the ornamental grasses.

14.Coyotes like the dark. And teenage cats.

15. Texting for instructions is key to retrieving the cat. Or waiting until it comes up on it's own.

16. Some people over react when things go off schedule at bedtime.

17. If you are the only one in the home who is allergic to cats, the cat will demand to sleep with you.

18. A cat's median body temperature is 212 degrees.

19. Moving your feet under a quilt doubles as a biting game for teenage cats.

20. When you give a 4 yr old  a homemade cookie and she lays down only to have a 2 yr old swipe it and you say..."you cannot lay food down where she can get it. She is a shark." ...your Animal Planet obsessed 7 yr. old granddaughter will add "well, actually sharks are not always aggressive. She is really more of a piranha."

Saturday, October 19, 2013


Hey gang...
how are y'all?
Life is busy here with harvest and family.
Everybody is good.
I really appreciate the emails from you readers
asking me to blog again.
I want to, but I want to sit on the porch,
sit around a fire,
go to festivals and auctions with friends.
I have grands' soccer games to attend
and family to take pranking.  
There's leaves that need raked,
farmers that want fed and always chores to get after.
I haven't read blogs hardly at all.
but I did catch a few this week.
It actually inspired this post.
 I read a blog where the author was really struggling with hard stuff.
I hurt for her and prayed for her.
I thought about how blessed my life is.
I went as far as thinking...
"gee, I have such a great life.
I have hardly had any sorrows."
Then I realized uh yeah, I have.
To name  just a few...
our twins death,
my dear college friend died at age 37, from colon cancer leaving two young children.
Stu's uncle, that we adored, died in his sleep at age 51.
Maggie had a 4-wheeler wreck and had to have emergency surgery.
my mom almost died on a trip to Branson and had a heart valve replaced.
my good junking pal went into the hospital with pneumonia
and died of a heart attack while there
my beloved father-in-law showed up here at the farm same as always, bright and early,
only to fall ill, be rushed to the hospital and die by that afternoon of an aneurism.
our beautiful nephew was killed in a car wreck leaving behind a wife and two little kids.
a close friend hurt me so bad that our friendship never recovered.
a family member betrayed and cheated us.
my dad suffered from Alzheimer's
 while we watched his personality and health decline in a very ugly way.
Ollie was born with a heart defect and needed Open Heart surgery.
We had two fires this Spring.
First the house and then a few months later,
a hay field, and a truck and trailer while hauling big hay bales.
Did I forget those stressful things?
The honest truth is God made it bearable.
He never left us.
He gave us strength.
He carried us on the truly hardest days.
I cannot imagine how those trials would have affected us if we were not believers.
His promises kept us strong.
Oh sure,
we have questions.
We wonder why at times.
But, I know when I walk in Heaven's gates
 those questions we will have obvious answers.
Our God has a plan.
His plan is always, always the best.
I have witnessed it time and time again.
I admit there are times I tried to do it myself,
only to realize I needed to give to God.
I'm far from being perfect.
I am the one who lays it down but then picks it back up.
Over the  years, I have learned that taking it back does not work.
I need the Lord and
his wisdom, his guidance, and his strength.
I don't want to live in this world without him.
The truth is our blessings
during/after those hard times
far, far outweighed the strife.
Our most precious blessing being the gift of his unfailing love.
With Jesus, life is good
even when it's not because,
God is good all the time.
He really, really is.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013


Abbie and Zac  are getting ready to move.
Their house has been a project for months.
This weekend it is finally time to move the boxes.
There has been many hours of dry walling, painting, and cleaning.
We are in the final stretch.
I swear we would think okay, the painting is done.
We would go home and return to see someone had gone crazy
with painter's caulk and we needed to touch up once again.
The floors have been the same story.
Clean them.
Come back to find paint splatters on the wood.
Assume the position of hands and knees, then scrub.
The work has led to many conversations.
Most are truly ridiculous.
Yesterday Abbie and I were painting the back porch.
We were discussing how people use the wrong words.
She said she cringes when she hears people say
"for all intensive purposes" instead of "intents and purposes".
I said mine is the confusion with taut and taunt and
people incorrectly using loose and lose.
Taut means tight.
Taunt means to tease.
You lose weight so your pants are loose.
Then we both admitted we do it.
We use the wrong words.
But we both said that we are dumber.
Trust me, she is not even dumb.
She is young and she is a doctor.
I am neither.
Dumber happens.
Use it or lose it?
Nah, I think it is aging that does it.
I also think it is all the texting and emailing.
When I stopped hand writing, I got sloppy.
Oh yeah, and of course I believe Dead Estrogen is the main culprit.
Abbie said that after having Cliff, she is more apt to mix up words.
She told me she read that each time a woman gives birth,
her intelligence diminishes.
I said, "Man, that  Duggar woman must be a complete idiot by now."
(FYI Michelle Duggar is on the TLC show
19 kids and Counting. They are all biological children.
I suspect her brain is not all that has suffered.)
However, the truth is
 I don't really care about your spelling, your punctuation, or your grammar.
If you say "she hasn't any shoes",
or "she doesn't have shoes";
or "she ain't got no shoes"
I can't care.
What I care about is if she is shoe-less,
that you are concerned about that fact.
I don't really worry about our use of the English language.
I care about the condition of our hearts.
You can say it any way you want.
Just say it with love.
Put down those imaginary red pens
and go help someone who needs it.
Give a smile, a hug, or a dollar or two.
Be kind.
Love one another.
It madders matters.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Well, Julie asked...

I always have blog plans.
Something happens and I think "I'm blogging that!"
I even sometimes write it in my head in the night while trying to sleep,
or while know times when you don't need to pay attention.  duh.
Then life happens or TV shows made before HD come on.
 I am a sucker for that.
But my funny pal Julie asked a question on my last blog post and I cannot ignore her,
or just take time to personally email her back a response.
Mainly because she asked it with a compliment and I want that to be a requirement from now on.
Her question was
p.s. Why do you hate being in pictures?
Now, this is how you ask a question readers...
and please don't question her sobriety.
I am sure she was of sound mind.
So, Julie, I chose to answer you my dear, sweet, gorgeous friend here on the blog.
Put down the margarita pitcher and read on...
When I was a kid I went to a country school
that was so small that the classes were combined.
First and second grade together,
third and fourth etc.
This is where I went until Jr. High
and then I went to the big town, population 4995.
At the country school we had 9 in my class.
4 boys and 5 girls...
one of who was Jackie, my twin and favorite sidekick.
Every year we would pick out our favorite outfit, usually matching,
and show up for picture day with freshly chopped bangs
or a bangin' new Toni home perm.
Weeks later the pix would arrive.
It was like Christmas only with just school picture packets and no gifts.
Everyone would open the envelopes and show all their cute smiles.
I would hunker over mine to the same scenario every. damn. year.
One eye closed with an idiot's grin.
No joke.
We would take them home to rave reviews of Jackie's.
Mom would cut up Jackie's package into individual pictures
so she could participate in the friends' picture swap the next day.
Mine would get re-packaged and the form filled out
 RETAKES for Janie/Quasimodo Adkins.
The following week a magician would show up and I would get mine taken again.
None of the other 8 in my class had a problem with cameras.
I was the only one who "seizured" at a camera flash.
Weeks later after all the hullabaloo had fizzled,
my new photos would arrive from the poor sap who got assigned to the second go-round.
No one had pictures left  to exchange.
 No one even remembered that I hadn't been involved in the first exchange.
I know you are is Janie so well adjusted?
Sadly, I haven't honed my photo-sitting skills.
I still throw my head back so I have multiple necks and chins.
I work up a gong-y eye and I usually show every filling I have.
Just ask my kids.
That hateful Sea World took my picture
while I was descending from a death dive on one of their dangerous rides.
The picture was typical of my posing.
My kids still laugh about that danged picture.
 They say I look like a
dead Asian man.
Well, hello Beautiful.
 So my lovely Julie, this is where my disdain of photography
starts and ends.
It is getting better in this age of digital.
If I can control it, the truly ugly are deleted.
Only the false and beautiful are presented by me.
The one on this blog header was taken by my 7 year old grand daughter, Aubrie.
It is in no way typical.
It will probably remain here until another freak incident occurs
and I end up looking like I am sane and un-dead.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

What I Know For Sure 28th Edition

1. You don't have to be the person painting to drag your hair through the fresh paint. Or your sleeve.

2. Mowing with a zero turn lawn mower is an adventure. Especially when you take out your satellite dish.

3 After living in a 30' camper for 12 weeks, our house feels like the Taj Mahal.

4. I have started a workout program called T25 from Shaun T of Beachbody fame. I have re-named it P25 in honor of my bladder.

5. When in Disney you cannot rain on my parade even when it literally rains on my parade.


6. New red hats in the rain bleed profusely. They end up in the trash before they can ruin new white pants.

7. Professional movers pack a bit different than I do. Some boxes have 4 items in them. Some have 101. Wrapping a plastic hand broom and dustpan in bubble wrap and paper then putting it in a box with a vase and a bowl is the way they roll.

8. Embarrassment is realizing as you unpack a box's contents that your fitness before and after  photos were sent off to the restoration company with no explanation as to why these pictures exist.

9. I am not smarter than a 5th grader. One episode of that show convinced me. But I am funnier than a certain farmer. Even if he disputes the fact.

10. The main reason I do not blog is the picture component. I dislike taking pictures and I detest being in them. I do not edit and I have no desire to learn to edit. I also don't blog because I have discovered The Waltons are on 4 times a day. Monitoring my dvr is a time suck and blogging falls to the wayside.

11. Reta moved home. Stella stayed at Annie's. Apparently the food falling from kids' chairs is much more of a draw than the peace and quiet of the old folks' home.

12. My linens will never look as good as this again. I suspect Satan designed king-sized fitted sheets.
13. All my clothes and linens came back beautifully hung and/or folded. All except for my American and Christian flags. They were stuffed into a plastic quart bag. They are back on their poles in their stands. A few wrinkles can't keep my Sunday School roots down. 

14. I pray for celebrities, like little baby North West.  Randy Travis. And George Clooney. I am just sure that he is lonely.

15. Baby Cliff is 10 mos. old. He has had 4 haircuts. He is the envy of his Great Uncle Doug.

16. Aubrie and Everett are in desperate want of hamsters.  They are convinced that I will buy
 anything they want when their mom says it is something they need to save for. I think I may  have created that monster.

17. When we were unpacking, Aubrie noticed I had a vintage fish bowl. She said she would get me a fish. I was all yeah, yeah. Then she and her mother did. We have named him Miracle. It is a miracle I allowed it and a miracle if he lives.

18. I think fish and hamsters are a fair trade. Look out Petco... I have hamsters to gift.

19. Caroline wants a pony. I am scared to think what is a fair trade to that.

20. I will do a blog of the house restoration...just as soon as the I Love Lucy marathon is over.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Popping in

Howdy peeps!
I am just popping in to say" hey"
 and let you know I am popping out to a quick vacation.
We are still camping in the drive.
 The house is looking good.
No word on the contents, other than the usual...
"you are a big job."
Excuse me? What the Hello Kitty?
Carpet is to be laid in my master bedroom on June 7th.
 I hope our stuff comes from the restoration company shortly after that.
Until then, I have plans.
Come this Thursday Jackie and I are whisking our  mom, Toots off in a big ol' jet airliner
to the sunny state of Florida. 
We are meeting up with my niece Ellen, her daughter Sophie and my oldest sister, Judy.
(I feel like there should be commas between the person's relationship to me and their name
 but then it just looked like too many commas.
My old English teacher has expired and I have retained nothing of my formal education.
Or the informal.
I do remember Pink Floyd saying we don't need no education...
For now, I rely on Nick Kids to school me.)
Did I lose ya back there?
Unfortunately my sister, Linda who is my fellow decorating machine couldn't make this trip.
We are technically going there to decorate my sis's vacation house.
The place she hangs all winter... like Illinois is cold or something. Pfft
This house is the replacement of her 5th wheel where I currently abide..
She didn't offer the vacay house up for my interim dwelling.
Maybe she didn't think she had room for the cattle.
I'll give her the benefit of the doubt on that.
Luckily, it's not all work ahead.
There's is thrifting in the itinerary, IKEA, and of course, a visit to my mother ship....Home Goods.
However, the grand daddy of it all...we are hitting Magic Kingdom with Toots in tow.
She's 89 and wanting to party like Cinderella.
Well, like a princess on a scooter.
Depending on how hard we all work,
we may be a royal court on scooters.
No doubt there will be some hobbling.
I am famous for wearing flip flops for 12 miles of walking only to
end the day with crying dogs.
So yes,  I am leaving poor Stu here to carry on.
Someone has to batten down the hatches in the camper when the tornados threaten...
which is just about daily.
While I am away, I am hoping it quits raining and he finishes planting.
I have a big to-do list when those contents aka the" big job" come home.
Don't cry for him Argentina.
I am leaving 3 capable daughters here to keep him
in line well fed and cared for properly.
Until I return, keep the home fires burning.
Well not literally, trust me it's a big old mess...
actually the word on the street is
 it's a "big  job".


Friday, May 10, 2013

Home Sweet Camper

I told you I'd post some pictures of the camper
 we are living in while the house is being restored
from our fire.
It is technically(I have been informed)
a 5th wheel.
It belongs to my sis, Judy and her husband.
It is for sale.
They stay in it in FL in the winter
but have bought a house so it is up for grabs.
If you are in the market...I can hook you up
but only when I am out of it.
So take a peek.



It's a pretty sweet deal.
It's right outside the house.
We are able to shower in the downstairs bath
so that cuts down on our "gray"water".
I do a little cooking and I am able to use our grill, of course.
You know the old adage
"if the camper's rocking..."
well, in our case it is because
it's a major thunderstorm and
we may be in the basement.
It has been raining practically daily
since we moved in.
The rain on the tin is soothing.
The wind, not as much.
So there's the tour.
Drop in
or like most days, blow in.
You can help do insurance logs.
I have coffee and satellite.
You know, the necessities.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Checking in

Hello friends,
I decided to jot out a quick blog
rather than respond to all my emails.
Your notes of encouragement and concern
after the fire have been wonderful.
Hearing I am missed in the blogging
 world...I'm not gonna lie...
feels kinda great.
We are still (gl)amping it up in the driveway.
Our restoration crew finished the house clean up yesterday.
The entire joint had to be emptied.
I purged for 4 days before they came.
I have dubbed this experience
The Great Purge of '13.
They loaded it all up in boxes and bags and took it to be cleaned.
Copious amounts of boxes.
 Then they left boxes of nor-restorable(s) and piles of non-restorable(s).
No baby/children's thing can be restored.
No florals.
And several antiques.
This is a fraction of them.

The stove and the dryer need replaced.
Then add in every food item in the cabinets,
the extra paper products ie. toilet paper, napkins, paper towels,
and Kleenex boxes.
I always had extra in storage.
Every bag of beans, pasta, grains.
Every spice tin.
Every cleaning product and every bath product.
Lotions, shampoos etc,.
We have 3 baths and each was stocked.
Every window blind has to be pitched.
Page after page logged for insurance.
All this from smoke damage.
Didn't look bad initially but it has been comprehensive.

 the electrical box was so close to the fire it had to be re-done
and it was re-located to the basement.
 the filthiness made me ill every time I went into the house
(that is where a rug laid on a white painted floor just outside our bedroom door)
So now, the contractors are here.
We opted to put some of our money into the project too.
We took the wall that was on fire out and opened those rooms up to each other.
My kitchen will be open to that laundry room.
The working part of the kitchen will be in there.
My former kitchen will just be for eating and gabbing.
My laundry has been relocated to outside my bedroom which was a nursery...
but I babysit at the girls' houses now, so I don't need a nursery.
They started drywalling yesterday.
And priming with paint in some rooms.
I am spending hours on the computer.
Thank goodness for internet.
I have been able to find replacement values on almost everything.
I still have a short list.
Blessedly, I have had helpers.
My friends and family have sorted and pitched with me.
A couple have shown up with Ipads and laptops and looked up values
beside me at my camper kitchen table
We will be out several weeks yet.
It takes a bit of time to paint every closet, ceiling, wall, and floors must be refinished.
The restoration team is now starting on our contents.
They said we are a big job.
I asked if I am an organized hoarder?
They assured me I am not.
They actually have all said they love my house.
I always feel the need to say well its filthy now. LOL
I blame Toots for my OCD to clean.
I will check in soon with pix of our sweet camper.
It has been a very busy time.
We have had so much rain.
10 inches the first week which made the basement flood.
I was half expecting to break out in boils and have locusts swarm.
Stuart hasn't farmed a lick.
It's good.
He has sanded the floors himself.
They are reading for stain.
He has sorted out and cleaned old tin from my dad's barn
for my kitchen ceiling.
I know God sent that rain because Stu needed to be around here in the evenings.
Our twins died 29 years ago today.
That year it rained and rained until
we were home from the hospital stay and buried them.
We didn't farm until the middle of May
God provided then and he will now.
Today would also have been my dad's birthday.
I choose to spend the day counting my blessings.
I have a wonderful family and many friends who make me feel cherished.
Life is good here in the camper.
God is good all the time.
Be well my sweet friends.
Thanks for showing me such love

Monday, April 22, 2013

House fire

Life is busy here.
We had a house fire a week ago.
We are all fine.
It was a leaking gas line...
could have been awful...
but it wasn't.
We are fine.
The dogs are fine.
We had major smoke damage.
The entire house has to be emptied.
Every surface has to be cleaned and repainted.
All our stuff has to go out to be professionally restored.
We are living in a sweet 5th wheel camper of my sister, Judy's.
Reta moved in with Maggie's bunch
and Stella is in hog heaven at Annie's.
There's highchair food dropping action and they are pumped over that.
We are not sure how long we will be out but no matter
because we are sitting by our drive.
I can work in my flowers and sit on my porches.
Stu can work in his barn.
We had 10 inches of rain so he's not farming, yet.
God has a plan.
It is all good.
The day of the fire it was so windy.
They sent 9 trucks.
I called some friends who started the prayer chains...
I posted a prayer request on Instagram.
By the time the trucks showed up the wind had laid.
That's God for ya!
I am logging things that cannot be cleaned...
food, baby items, toys, health and beauty products.
It is time consuming but I can see what I had.
It was just smoke.
We could have lost it all.
And even if we would have,
there is so much more trouble in the world.
Stu said "we have each other...
we could live in the barn as long as we have each other."
He is right.
Every thing that matters to me is fine.
There is beauty in the ashes.
And fresh paint!
But please pray friends...
The restoration company has a lot of work to do.
The contractor does too.


Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Otherwise engaged

I write lots of blogs in my mind, in the middle of the night.
I wake and my mind starts whirling.
I think they are hilarious.
I amuse myself and then I drift back to sleep.
In the morning light I debate sitting down at my laptop
and hammering it out.
And then I get a cup of Joe and hit my veg spot 'til I can face the day.
I just can't care.

I have more fun things to do.
Blame this bunch.
Although, may I suggest before trying to take a picture
with 6 peas who are 7 years old and under...
Have a drink.
or 6.
Made me wish I was a drinker.
Also, consider that with 30 mph wind gales
you may appear to house owls in your hair.
We took hundreds of shots.
Okay, maybe tens of pix.
Most were hilarious.
Stuart kept talking.
I couldn't decide glasses/no glasses.
On the other side of this frame
were 8 adults yelling "cheese" and flapping their arms.
We are nothing if not a team.
I mean seriously, who picked out his old man pants...
and why do I not live in elbow-length gloves...
But, there were some redeeming ones.

Notice he and I are not in any of those.
So, I don't blog much.
I mean really...
can you blame me?
They are just so ding-dang much fun.
*note to need some new binoculars.

Monday, March 18, 2013

16 candles and then some.

Today my mom, Toots is 89.

I am blessed.
I have a great mom.
She raised me in a home filled with love.
She taught me many things.
She taught me to respect your husband
and put your relationship first.
She was married to my dad for 71 years
and demonstrated that over and over.
She schooled me in the art of housekeeping,
the creativity in decorating,
and the practice of homemade meals.
She makes the best potato salad and coconut cream pie.
Sadly not as much now that she lives in assisted living.
I am hoping my sister, Judy takes over again.
Ain't nobody got time for that.
Except Judy, I hope.
One of my favorite things about her is her fun-loving spirit.

She loves to have a good time.
She went crazy every year for Halloween.
There was a contest for best costumes at the school
and she was always vying for us to win.
She square danced and she yodeled.
I can't say I always appreciated the yodeling
but now I see she was finding her joy
and it made her a happy camper.
She moved furniture every week.
You never knew where your bed would be.
Once she told Dad I'll race you to bed.
He took off before she warned him she had re-arranged the room.
He dove for the bed.
and found the floor because the bed was moved.

(Her kitchen band. She is on the far right)
She also taught me to love God.
I remember many times walking into the living room
to see her in a chair with her bible in her lap.
She has one of those great bibles that is falling apart from use.
I think it is one of the reasons I collect discarded bibles.
I love that they have been read so much
 they are dog-eared and tattered.
When Stuart and I had our twins
and were in those dark days
waiting for them to go home with the Lord,
I had a doctor ask me where I got my faith.
I answered "my mom".
She led by example.
It's one of the reasons I sing hymns as lullabies to my grands.
Start a chorus of He Lives or Trust and Obey
and you will see little Cliff's eyes grow heavy.
Then again, maybe he just gives it up to sleep so I don't start yodeling.
You  have heard the saying
Mirror, mirror on the wall
I am my mother after all.
Or the one...
I open my mouth and my mother comes out.
It's true.
My mom is famous in our family for her "Tootisms".
She has her own lingo.
She calls Dollar General, the General Dollar store.
She takes Tidelenol and has been known to plant clitoris(clematis) in her garden.
She told me last week she would like to get a coral cardinal for Spring.
She is jonesing for a coral cardigan for those of you who don't speak Toots. 
Truthfully, it runs in the family.
Remember the time I told the waiter I wasn't sure
whether I was to pay my bill at the table or the counter because
I didn't know the roll call.
Then realized oh my gosh... Er, protocal.
My sister Linda cannot talk about Dancing with the Stars
and not mention Chrisitie Allen.
Translation...Kirstie Alley.
Today, she and I are taking Mom to lunch,
shopping and to a movie.
We are taking Linda's husband, David along
as our translator.
If you see us out and about
give a shout out to Toots.
She is my favorite.
Her children arise and call her blessed...
Proverbs 31:28

Thursday, March 7, 2013

We interrupt this program...

 No fear.
I am among the living.
I have been down with the crud of lungs and such.
It is my 3rd go-round.
I have not been to the doctor.
I am self medicating.
My man is down.
I am man medicating too.
Most of the family in fact has been in the throes of fever
or hacking coughs.
I hang with my 4 friends Mucinex, Dayquil, Nyquil, and Vicks.
However not all has been lost, I have noticed a few things
while spending my free time in a horizontal position.
1.  My couch has a permanent imprint of me.
2. I am not smarter than a fifth grader.
3. I know the Hallmark,TBS, and Lifetime sitcom schedule by heart.
4. I love Julia Louis Dreyfus. In. Everything.
5. I have unplanned my garden.  With all the televison to watch, ain't nobody got time for that.
6. I have eaten my weight in cuties and bananas.
7. Coffee tastes bad and that makes me sad.
8. You can babysit from the couch.
9. Yesterday,  I spent 5 minutes trying to figure out where Doug and Carrie Heffernen live. "Chicago?" I wondered because it was cold and there was snow in the background. Yeah, five minutes until I realized the show is called The King of Queens. I think most 5th graders know where Queens is located.

10. I tried to change my blog header. It is not right but I can't care. Annie is too busy to fix it and I don't know any 5th graders.  I have had one decent picture without sunglasses in the last year. It is my profile for everything. I am already growing sick of it. My 3 year old granddaughter took it.  Maybe she can fix the header.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Things that go bump in the night

Last night I woke in the middle of the night.
Well, it was actually 11:30 but I am old
and it felt like the middle of the night.
I needed to empty my bladder and I was hot.
I walked the seven steps to the bathroom
and started to unbutton my flannel pj shirt.
I was going to slip on a tank top.
On the way back to bed, I decided I wasn't hot
 and I would stay in the flannel shirt.
Just about that time,
I ran smack dab into Stuart, who had gotten up to use the bathroom.
I screamed in my usual vocal range of a 6th grade boy.
He very loudly yelled "Janie" and grabbed my forearms
which were in front of me buttoning up my shirt.
Then we hugged really hard
and kissed each other. ha
He said " I almost cold-cocked you!"
I said "you squeezed my arms so hard, I may have bruises."
I asked "why did you yell my name...
were you trying to warn me of an intruder?"
He said he didn't even know he yelled it.
And oh so scary.
In our defense:
1. we have one of those foam mattresses
where you cannot feel the other person move.
2. there is a night light in the bathroom.
3. he claims he patted my side of the bed before he got up and  I was there.
4. My body feels like a king-size bed pilow. Damn.
5. we don't limit our liquid intake before bed.
Today I put a night light in our bedroom
and I flexed a few muscles.
I won't be mistaken for a king-sized pillow again.
I am going for at the very least a standard size.
Oh, and I am serving salt for dinner.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Save the date, or not.

Early in the week I took a little road trip
to see my pal Jayme aka the coopkeeper.
My plan... do a bit of thrifting,
help on a re-do of her guest room,
 and flop on her couch with coffee
getting our gab on.
Her me like a rented mule.
We thrifted. Oh baby, we hit the jackpot.
We did some couch sitting too.
We had some "Downton" time.
However at one point things went a bit awry for me.
We were all seated up at the kitchen island and
Jayme was serving me fresh dates.
I cannot get such fancy fruit here in the 'ville
so I was really happy to get to experience them.
We were enjoying ourselves when we detect smoke.
Jayme: What's Glen doing in the basement to cause all the smoke?"
At that moment  I start to wheeze.
Then, I freak in my mind.
It is coming from me!
I am spontaneously combusting!
Oh dear Lord, I thought that was a myth and
now here I am burning up in my cohort's kitchen!
I look at Jayme for support.
She's in flat out hysterics.
The doubled over cackling pose.
I jump up and run to the bathroom
to check my mouth that she's pointing at
while laughing her arse off.
My tongue and teeth are black.

Apparently, I had chosen a date with a mold situation.
Oh how very hospitable of her to share it.
I hacked and snotted, took an antihistimine
and was able to continue the visit.
Now though, I gotta run...
I have an appoinment with
a personal injury attorney in 15.
I'll own that coop.


Friday, January 18, 2013

Dogs Tales

I was hoping to have some awesome blog post
up in here on the screen for y'all to read.
I fear it may never happen.
I have been busier than a cat covering his doodoo.
Maggie moved over the weekend.
She worked us like dogs all week,
then this morning she hightailed it for Disney World.
In addition to that offense, she left me with her dog.
Hazel is a Chihuahua.
She is little, she is cute,
and she will cut you.
I am not even kidding.
She is territorial.
She loves me but don't come for a visit.
She won't welcome you.
She will nip your heels
and bark her fool head off.
I love her.
I am one of very few who do.
 I can't get blogger to upload pics today
but just imagine her here.
Speaking of dogs...
Reta followed me everywhere yesterday morning.
She rarely moves so it was disconcerting.
She came upstairs and sat outside the shower.
She followed me up and down several times.
That was huge because she never comes upstairs.
It was weirding me out.
I wondered is she dying and afraid to be alone.
That theory was stupid because if she were dying
she couldn't horse her girth up and down steps.
Then I thought is Stella dying?
 She is 13 and a slug.
She is also deaf, so she doesn't move.
You call her to go out and she doesn't move,.
I have go look to see her breath.
Seriously I have panicked more times than I care
only to realize she is just snoozing.
Side note:
*My MIL assures me looking dead and being dead are two very different things after finding her old pug had died in the night a few months ago.*
That concludes my happy story for the day.
Aren't you glad I am back blogging?
Anyhoo..back to Reta and her odd behavior.
Maybe there was a storm coming but I looked at
 my phone weather app. and it was all clear...
Maybe an earthquake was pending?
Had someone fallen in a well?
Did she miss me?
Did she know I was leaving for the day?
Was I gearing up to have a seizure,
a heart attack...
maybe I was going to die.
Was she trying to tell me something?
Oh she definitely was..
her water bowl needed filled.
Sheesh harpy old hound.