Thursday, August 1, 2013

Well, Julie asked...

 
 
I always have blog plans.
Something happens and I think "I'm blogging that!"
I even sometimes write it in my head in the night while trying to sleep,
or while driving...you know times when you don't need to pay attention.  duh.
Then life happens or TV shows made before HD come on.
 I am a sucker for that.
But my funny pal Julie asked a question on my last blog post and I cannot ignore her,
or just take time to personally email her back a response.
Mainly because she asked it with a compliment and I want that to be a requirement from now on.
Her question was
p.s. Why do you hate being in pictures?
You are BEAUTIFUL!
Now, this is how you ask a question readers...
and please don't question her sobriety.
I am sure she was of sound mind.
So, Julie, I chose to answer you my dear, sweet, gorgeous friend here on the blog.
Put down the margarita pitcher and read on...
When I was a kid I went to a country school
that was so small that the classes were combined.
First and second grade together,
third and fourth etc.
This is where I went until Jr. High
and then I went to the big town, population 4995.
At the country school we had 9 in my class.
4 boys and 5 girls...
one of who was Jackie, my twin and favorite sidekick.
Every year we would pick out our favorite outfit, usually matching,
and show up for picture day with freshly chopped bangs
or a bangin' new Toni home perm.
Weeks later the pix would arrive.
It was like Christmas only with just school picture packets and no gifts.
Everyone would open the envelopes and show all their cute smiles.
I would hunker over mine to the same scenario every. damn. year.
One eye closed with an idiot's grin.
No joke.
We would take them home to rave reviews of Jackie's.
Mom would cut up Jackie's package into individual pictures
so she could participate in the friends' picture swap the next day.
Mine would get re-packaged and the form filled out
 RETAKES for Janie/Quasimodo Adkins.
The following week a magician would show up and I would get mine taken again.
None of the other 8 in my class had a problem with cameras.
I was the only one who "seizured" at a camera flash.
Weeks later after all the hullabaloo had fizzled,
my new photos would arrive from the poor sap who got assigned to the second go-round.
No one had pictures left  to exchange.
 No one even remembered that I hadn't been involved in the first exchange.
I know you are wondering...how is Janie so well adjusted?
Sadly, I haven't honed my photo-sitting skills.
I still throw my head back so I have multiple necks and chins.
I work up a gong-y eye and I usually show every filling I have.
Just ask my kids.
That hateful Sea World took my picture
while I was descending from a death dive on one of their dangerous rides.
The picture was typical of my posing.
My kids still laugh about that danged picture.
 They say I look like a
dead Asian man.
Well, hello Beautiful.
 So my lovely Julie, this is where my disdain of photography
starts and ends.
It is getting better in this age of digital.
If I can control it, the truly ugly are deleted.
Only the false and beautiful are presented by me.
The one on this blog header was taken by my 7 year old grand daughter, Aubrie.
It is in no way typical.
It will probably remain here until another freak incident occurs
and I end up looking like I am sane and un-dead.
 
 
 
  
 
 
 
 
 
 


19 comments:

  1. nonsense! You're just as sexy with one eye.

    Why don't you try doing duckface poses next time? Perhaps if your face muscles are busy with your lips they'll forget to mess with your eyelids.

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  2. I think you're a looker, Janie. I curse the day I signed the back of my credit/debit card "Ask for ID" BECAUSE my licence photo is horrible. I look like a convict with a hangover. I cringe every time some cute little cashier, being thorough, says, "Can I see your ID, please?" They look at the photo, look at me, look at the photo again. I know they're suppressing a laugh. love you foxy lady.

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  3. You'z gorgeous. Inside AND out! LMAO
    xoxoxoxo
    Leslie

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  4. Dear Quasimodo, I am so sad that this post wasnt accompanied by photographic evidence of a grade school nature:-)

    Melissa

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  5. Im back to take it back. I'm feeling too envious... Just saw the stunning post on ALL your creations @ Farmgirl Paints n am over the top crazy to get Fox help with my walls and weigh loss! You have amazing talent creating family and beauty EVERYWHERE! Puleeeeze come visit?!
    whine, sniff, beggging
    Plain Old Leslie

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  6. Where/what is Farmgirl Paints???????? I just read Leslie's comment.

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  7. girl you are beautiful inside and out. inside of story. now go take a picture of yourself and celebrate that fact!

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  8. janie, you ARE so very beautiful!!!
    i have the same disdain for pictures, too.
    EVERY ding dang year i had to have retakes, and retakes of my retakes.
    there are thousands of pictures that were never handed out, down in the secret scary places of my parents basement, locked up in a vault, only to be opened in the year 3254.
    like, never.
    it's baaaad!
    and i don't believe you.
    your gorgeous!
    xo

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  9. Same photography memories. Right. Here. Only my mom never had me do a re-take. Everyone got the crazy eyed picture..... in their Christmas card. *sigh*

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  10. Oh my goodness this is HILARIOUS!

    I, myself, always looked like I had a booger in the left nostril of my nose in EVERY SINGLE SCHOOL PICTURE. It was really just a shadow from an ill-formed nose?) but the one side was always blackened.

    NOT. PRETTY.

    But this was so very funny, my friend...
    Thank you for answering my question in the best possible way.

    You are awesome in the most awesome way!

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  11. Toni home perms? Yes!!! I did those too!! I love this. Cracked me up!! How can I see the Sea World photo because you know I am dying to! I declare we will take millions of selfies at Whatever Craft weekend! Get your wonky eye ready! And amen for digital. Whenever I've taken a selfie you can be rest assured I've taken 100 shots for every 1 I post ;-)

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  12. P.S. I've got the wonky eye too as my delightful mother pointed out. She lovingly pointed it out after I called her a Russian babushka, in her defense. It's why I love me some sunglasses in a selfie.

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  13. Hey girl take a look in the mirror . . You are a looker for sure, so pretty :O) xoxo

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  14. Oh my goodness! Were we in the same class? Our grade school experiences sound VERY much the same. I also take awful pictures, but it is my mouth that droops on one side in photos. GRRRR!

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  15. Omigosh, I could have written this. I have always taken horrible pictures. My mother would gasp when I would bring my pictures home from school. I had always worn my worse sweater or my ponytail was crooked or something was always wrong with the picture. If ever someone surprisingly takes a good picture of me, I still can't look at it. My four year old grandson has taken the best picture of me anyone has ever taken. I shun the camera.

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  16. You seriously made me laugh out loud. I love your posts, truly! Keep 'em coming (and more frequently, pretty please). You are amazing. Toni home perms - gawd, i remember those! Love ya!

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Thanks for reading my blather. I read every comment. They make my heart happy!