Take a seat

You may need to sit down for this.

Okay you probably already are...

but for dramatic effect,

please pretend you had to sit down.

I am taking a week-long blogging break.

Under the doctor's  my coach's orders.

My fellow bootcampers and I are doing 

the Screen Free Week challenge.

No screens from April 30th to May 6th.

No computers(unless for work),

no television,

 and no phone except for "real"phoning.

I am not too concerned with no television.

I am not even worried about no facebook

but no blogging...arggg...

My head may explode.

I have so much to say at all times...

actually Stuart may want me to explode.

His ears may bleed.

Blessedly, most of the time
 he will held as captive audience
 in a tractor cab.
Truthfully, he is about half deaf 
so he welcomes my blather.

 Fortunately for him Abbie, Annie, and Maggie live close.

They listen to me with rapt attention.
Doubters shuttie.

I can't care.

I thought about blogging in advance 

and having the blogs auto post

but then I couldn't read your comments.

No way, they are too much fun. 

I cannot miss them so I am going to go cold turkey.
I may go belly up.
I may wear an eye patch and walk with a limp.
I  may even become coherent.
Some of you may die,
but it is a sacrifice I am willing to make
 because I am a stellar student.
I will do this task.
I really do think Coach may have a point.

 No Screen Week is a good thing.

It gets families interacting...mine has no problem there.

It gets people active and off their arses couches.
It shows us where we waste time...
(where I waste your time?pffft)

I plan to re-work flower beds.

I plan to read more.

I plan to sit on the porch.

I also plan to clean nap in my little camper.

paint some chairs,

go to lunch with  friends,
do more of my bible study,
spoil my farmer,
 and get ready for a rummage sale.

  Hmm, I may need more than a week.
I can't care.
A week is the assignment.
After all, I have an obligation to my fans.

I will respond to your emails 

when I return to flop at the computer.
I will be back in a week.
If not, just wait longer.
Next blog's forecast...
a few sprinkles of genius 
with a good chance of stupid.
However, if there is a murderer/rapist on the loose

in my neck of the woods

or a tornado is coming my way...

someone please telephone me.

Carry on peeps but
remember me fondly.

Celebrations

April 28th is a love story day in our family.

Happy 71st Anniversary Mom and Dad!!

You are a wonderful example of living your vows.

You taught us what a love story was supposed to look like.

You stayed for the long haul and

 you have loved each other through it all. 

You are who I wanted to be when I grew up.

You still are.

 A video of Mom and Dad's life

Also Happy 5th to Maggie and Kylie.

You make me proud in the ways you honor each other.

Here is hoping you get at least 66 more years

and a couple more young'uns too!

I love you all.

Have a great day!

You are blessed.

The apple and the tree

   On Abbie's blog she had this picture

I commented this...You are a big dill. I am always in a pickle.

She commented this.... Don't worry about being in a pickle ma. Things are kosher over here. Nothing has been to jarring so far. I look forward to helping ya on Thursday. I can't wait to chip in. I hope you are ready for me to clean windows. I'll be prepared, I'll be gherkin on finding my Norwex window cloth. I've really been in the cleaning spear-it lately. I really relish the feeling of a clean home...but I'll spear you the details. I'd hate for you to get jealous and have a chip on your shoulder... (I think I'm done here)

to which I commented this... Oh thanks Sis. I am not so much in a pickle as in a jam. I am a s(m)ucker for clean windows. I am just a tad worried though since the great fall of 2008 when I fell while washing windows and broke my shoulder. The subsequent surgery deal was jarring. The idea of me on a ladder turns my knees to jelly. Knowing you will be here to preserve my health is such a relief. You really spread the love. My worries are toast now.

To which she replied...
 I can see the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I've really blossomed though, branched out and became much like you....but different. I hear people are very frond of us both. They are pine-ing for me. They find your blather ash-tonishing. I think they are intimidated by our sass, but our bark is worse than our bite. Better stop, before everyone gets tired of this schtick. They are probably sycamore puns. But then again, maple they should be reading somewhere else if they aren't into our puns. Life's a birch, we are just trying to keep it light, stay poplar. I walnut stop! Really...I better leaf it be. Don't want things to take a turn for the sappy, or a-corny. Oak-k with you?

To which I replied...

Puns are as American as apple pie. I think they are gala and golden delicious. I mean really anyone who thinks differently is just a crab apple. I would be Mc astonished if this didn't just catch on. People will be Granny Smith Green with envy. You know what they say when in Rome.

To which Kylie( Mag's husband) said...seems like your blog post is Claussen quite a stir.

To which Abbie said... That's why I love you. You never cease to amaze me. I bet people are Vlasic to their stomach that they are not part of our family.

I taught her everything I know.
 She is stupid in a good way...We really need more to do.

Not my fault but then it is.

The missing book mystery 

has been solved.

Annie came home from a dinner out with her bestie

and it was on her coffee table.

Jade said he found it in the middle of their floor.

What the what??

No one is admitting anything.

I chalk it up to them (Annie and Jade)

 being in cahoots against me.

I have yet found made time to read it.

Title...The Island

Author... Erin Hildebrand

All I could remember was a character named India.

I have been spending lots of time

"re-furb"ing things for my nephew 

who has bought a house and is moving on Saturday.

He is Jackie's son.

He had nothing 
but his bedroom stuff she gave him

 and a TV.

We junked and thrifted.

We have sanded, stained and painted 

a big pile of junk good things.

I have some chair cushions to recover yet.

I should have taken before pictures but I didn't think of it.

I will take pics of the move IF

I remember to take my camera.

Don't count on it.

In other news, I spent two hours yesterday

taking Stella to the vet.

The diagnosis was bladder infection.

 I knew it because there was pee
 on the wood floor in the kitchen
and these girls never have accidents.

They have bladders like tanks. 

I took them outside and tried to retrieve some pee 

in a paper cup for testing.

Failure, as one could imagine.

Dumb plan... but I was a in a hurry.

They were on their way out when I thought of it.
I needed a disposable pie pan.

None up in here..boot camp going on.

She had no fever but they did an x-ray for stones.

She had a stone.

He mentioned a surgery possibly.

I vetoed that. 

She is 13 years old, sleeps 23 hours a day

and has had 2 surgeries on her leg she broke
when Jade and Annie ran over her.
More evidence of their "cohootsion"
( I really should invest in a dictionary)

The surgeries failed to fix it.

I am not putting her through another.

We are treating her with antibiotics and different food.

The food is supposed to help with the formation of stones.

While in the waiting room, 

I visited with a friend

who has a pug 

and has had dogs from different litters 

from the same mother as my pugs.

She told me to do filtered water.

Her pug had the same problem and 
the filtered water ended it.

I gave two doses of the pills to Stella.

This morning I followed the "girls" in the yard.

Surprise... Reta is the one with blood in her urine.

This is the second time Stella has been falsely accused.

Now, I am treating Reta with Stella's pills.
My name is Janie and I am unfit. 
If you want to get to know Reta...
she has her own label in my blog list of topics.
She is that good.
She deserves better.
But, she can't care.

Is it leprechauns or me?

I am in a quandary.

Someone or something is messing with me. 

I have lost sleep the last two nights because of it.

I love to read but it seems forever since I have read for fun.

I have had homework for bootcamp. 

I have read some self-help and nutrition books 

that go along with what I am learning in bootcamp.

Last week though, I picked up a book

my niece Ellen had given me and started reading.

Usually I read in fits.

A few minutes here and there.

I either become obsessed with chores 

that I remember I need to do,

phones calls to make,

or I go into a coma.

I don't do movies very well either...same problem.

Most of the time, I have several books going at once.

Every time I pick one up I have to do a quick review

to remember what it was about.

My kindle is full of half started books, also.

This particular book was pretty good.

I was about a third of the way in.

Friday I was off to Annie's to babysit.

I had my book and a new magazine

in my pile of stuff to take.

I had a tote with my healthy lunch and snacks.

I had my camera bag.

I had my purse.

I remember thinking 

"I shouldn't take the book because I will

be too wrapped up playing with the kids"

but also thinking "well, they might nap."

I don't remember what my final decision was.

Later that evening I decided I wanted to read.

I couldn't find the book.

I looked in my car.

Annie said it wasn't at her house.

Maggie said she hadn't seen it.

The cleaning lady said she hadn't seen it.

I have searched my house.

I am a neat nik so it should be easy to spot.

It is not.

I have looked under my bed...

not logical since

I don't think I ever took it upstairs.

But then again...who can remember?

I have looked under and behind sofas

and under cushions.

I have looked in the laundry basket,

the trash, and the fridge.

(I once found my phone in the trash and the fridge.)

Shuttie critics.

Now I think I may just order it on Kindle.

The main problem with that plan is 

when I do a search I cannot seem to find

The I Can't Remember The Title by Something What's Her Name. 

Damn you Dead Estrogen once again.

What I Know For Sure- 22nd Edition

1. Abbie and Zac are having a baby boy. Everett will finally have a  student to teach to pee in the yard.

2. Christina Aguilera desperately needs a stylist...hair and otherwise. Doll hair and granny pants are not cool.

3. I try to live by the rule "Be kinder than necessary". Apparently, I have an exception to the rule when it comes to celebrities.

4. Penelope is crawling and pulling up. Nothing is sacred in her path.
This includes Reta and Stella.

5. Almost every morning I make the Coopkeeper Jayme's turkey sausage(recipe here) and eat it with a piece of fruit. I share a few bites with Reta and Stella.

I really think Reta is slimming down. It could be the sausage or it could be the running from Penelope.

6. I had white doors. I decided to paint them after Annie painted hers . I painted the front door yellow

and the back door green.
 

I hate them both. I can't care enough to re-paint them though. I am hoping they grow on me. Maybe when I get my flowers planted it will help. 
I painted the front door yellow because I always loved my sister Linda's door when it was yellow. She informed me she has never had a yellow front door. Help me.

7. I cannot get into the Hunger Games. They sound scary and I go with the theory "Nothing scary comes from God." This also applies to the Twilight movies. Annie is a fan of both. She claims Abbie is the headstrong one, hmpff.


8. I am still mourning the break-up of Jennie Garth and Peter Facinelli. Just another reason I don't like those Twilight movies.

9.   I  have returned to the nail place twice now and the girl and the chunky man continue to yammer non-stop in Korean/Vietnamese the entire time. I haven't retaliated with Pig Latin yet.
I am learning to live with it. It beats a half hour drive.

10. When Annie and I were getting our pedicures the skinny worker man asked if she was still in High School. She will be 30 in June. Maybe he knows she doesn't listen to her mother.?

11. My dad is adjusting well in the Alzheimer's unit. He is eating well and seems content. I am so relieved. We have a new normal and it is okay.

12.  One of the ladies in Dad's unit held out her arms for me to give her a hug, so I gladly obliged. She then said "get off me" haha  Ouch.

13. Just one day in the trash, cantaloupe guts and a ground turkey wrapping can drive you out of the kitchen. It also causes Maggie to enter and remark "your house smells like poop." Why thank you. (Mmmhmm...she is Annie's sister.)

14. A little bird keeps building a nest in my fern on the back porch and I keep ripping it out. I have been down this path on the front porch and the bird did me no favors. Yuck. 

When I saw the bird was a cardinal  and there were two eggs, I put it back out on the back porch. Maybe the crap will distract from the ugly doors.
Birds 2, Janie 0.

15. This morning I found myself reflecting about my childhood pony, Trixie. Then it occurred to me that after my work-out I smelled like her. Damn you Dead Estrogen.


16. I always said the only way apples were good were in a crust. Now I hanker for a crisp apple...plain.


17. Keep your promises. Always.


18. I have given up the shame of the pajama jeans but not the Genie bra. Where it is concerned, I am shameless.


19. When in doubt, call your mom. My mom doesn't text or "fax" as she likes to say.


20. As of this morning I have lost 25 lbs. Woot woot.

A walk for Ollie

 I have an invitation for you.

This summer our family and friends

that means you...

are stepping up for Down syndrome.

We are gathering a team and donations

 all in the honor of Ollie Faith.

The money that we raise will be used for 

 support, education,

 advocacy, and public awareness

for the thousands of individuals 

living in our area with DS. 

The event is Sunday June 3rd

at Forest Park in St. Louis.

We would love you to walk with us 

and show your support for Ollie.

 

We will be celebrating all that she is 

and all that she will achieve.

It will be a party in big way.

We will be celebrating the whole weekend.

There will be fun on Saturday

leading up to the event.

We have rubber bracelets

and we are ordering tee shirts.

If you are interested just shoot me or her mom an e-mail

so we can get your size(s).

If you cannot walk but would like to support the cause

you can go to Ollie's fundraising page here.

Check out Ollie's newest achievements  

at her mom's blog.

I hope you can make it.

God bless ya!

The Give-away winners

The give-away winners are

for the adorable cuff by Becky...

Bethanie.

(I don't have your e-mail so send me one girl.)

The winner for the most excellent serum

created by Jayme...

Nancy from

http://www.outofmyallegedmind.com/

Bethanie and Nancy,  I need your addresses and

we will get the goods out to you real soon.

Congrats!

You will love your prize!

Thanks everyone for making my birthday so awesome!!

You make a girl feel so loved.

Be forewarned though, I usually celebrate all month. 

I 'll be back soon with some blathering.

I hope your weekend was great.

Decorating , queenly and otherwise

I rarely post pictures of my house.

I love to decorate but

my photography skills fall short.

Even when Sweet Becky was here
(and she is good...
she sells photos)

she said it was hard to get a decent shot.

The lighting is poor.

With a side porch and a front porch

and no canned lighting

it's difficult to get good pictures.

Everyone who visits

says it looks so much better in person.

I guess that is better than vice versa.

The truth is I like it dim.

I like living in a cataract world.

I think canned lighting is beautiful

but I couldn't live with it.

I am not a fan of overhead lighting.

I prefer lamps.

Lamplight is softer and kinder.

It hides wrinkles and chin hair 

makes everyone more comely.

I'll save you the google...

come·ly/ˈkəmlē/

Adjective:

(typically of a woman) Pleasant to look at; attractive. Agreeable; suitable.

Fun fact: every time my sister-in-laws comes over,

she switches on the ceiling light.

every. single. time.

She has canned lighting.
She is a lamp hater.

After all that I am finally getting to the point
of this wordy post.

I am making my friend Carolyn's wish come true.

She visited last week

and insisted/ demanded

I post a picture of one of my displays 

on Pinterest or my blog.

 Ugh.

 I said I'd try.

Since I am already knee deep

into a post about decor
 and you are already bored,

I will share a recent project I finished.

I have no befores because 

I had no intention of ever doing a blog about it.

I had 2 end tables that had really ugly finishes.

Both were wooden.

One was oak and one was a horrible mystery.
Both needed saving from themselves.

I didn't want to strip them.

It just isn't my look.
I am a junker/antiquer
with a love of old Grandma.
It works well for an old grandma.
If you are what you eat
then maybe you are what you decorate like.?

 I knew I wanted to paint them.

I thought about silver

which Annie had used on a dresser...

and I had dubbed the "Tin Man collection." 

But silver wouldn't work with my chairs very well.

I pondered the color for some time.
We lived with the ugly 
and I threw colors around in my head.

The walls are red raspberry. 
Finally, I decided to go with metallic gold.
Liberace gold.

I called them my

"Shah of Iran" collection initially

but changed it to the "Queen of Sheba" collection

in honor of my sister Linda.

When I was a kid, she was a teen.

Mom would always say to her

" Who do you think you are...

the Queen of Sheba?"
However my mom
pronounced it with a soft e,
like Debbie.
The Queen of Shebba
was not quite as effective as a put-down
when you are snickering over Mom's version.
However, she also said "den o zowers"
for dinosaurs.
And "flammie( like Sammy) goes"
for flamingos.
Eventually though you become your mother.
Life has a way of biting you on the arse.


Exhibit 1,2 and 3

 Homely or comely?
I can't care what anyone thinks.

I may not be Jeff Lewis

(who I desperately love)

 but I adore these tables.

When I sit my cup of coffee on them

and I turn on the lamps, 
I feel all

queenly and comely.

My  advice folks is

turn off those ceiling lights,

get some metallic paint

and join the comely revolution.

 God save the Queen of "Shebba".

Help A Friend

I have a blogger friend, Traci

who is going on a mission trip to Zambia.

She is a nurse and has been accepted 

to go and work with Cure International.

She needs some help raising funds.

If you are able to help

please click on her link. 

She has a pay pal button

where you can donate to this cause.

Thanks so much.

I know she appreciates it.

I do too.

xoxo

P.S. Don't forget my birthday give-away. You have until Saturday!

Birthday and a Give-Away aka longest post ever

Each year on April 10th

we party around these parts.

There are lots of birthday girls.

We like to get our cake on and

let our hair down.

 To celebrate I am having a give-away.

But first things first...

the birthday girls

who are turning another year older.

My beloved sister-in-law 

and Stuart's oldest sis.

Jennifer.

We love you sis!

Then my sweet Abbie.

God sent her 
just 2 weeks short of a year 
after we lost our twins.

She helped heal our hearts.

She gave her sister Annie

someone to mother and boss.

She was stubborn, funny, and independent from Day One.

She is smart, confident, and ambitious.

She went off to school and got a Dr. in front of her name.

She is a bone-cracker as her dad says

and a "choir"practor as my mom says.

She met her honey and settled into married life.

She is fiercely loyal.
She will take you out for someone she loves.
 She is stupid in a good way.
She lends a helping hand,
sometimes way too often.
Like her dad, she doesn't sit around.
She is always working.
Unless we can talk her into playing.
Then she goes into it with gusto.
Balls to the wall.
That's Abbie.

She is having her first baby in August.

She is starting her own chiro/wellness practice in the fall.

If you see her out and about

tickle her under her chin.

She loves it. 

Or not. 

But do it for me.

Next in the birthday line-up

is Janie(me) and Jackie.

53 years and still hanging with each other.

As  you can see,

I have always been the friendly one...

and the show-off

and the one she wanted to dress like.

Happy birthday peeps.

There isn't anyone else

that I'd like to share the day with more.

I love you all.

Eat some cake for me.

I broke up with it for boot camp.

Mr. Chocolate with Chocolate Icing was a lousy lover.

And now the give-away...

My friend Becky is giving away 

one of her awesome cuffs

in honor of me being 

older than dirt

but younger than Jackie

(18 minutes counts...

sorry mom about my butt coming first

I'll give you a big ouch on that one.)

And my pal Jayme

Anti-aging Spring Chicken Serum 

is the other cool give-away.

Just leave me a comment

and random generator will pick a winner

on Saturday the 14th.

No face booking, or twitter required.

I am way too busy lazy to do all that.

You will love either gift.

The cuffs are so cute

and the serum is to die for.

I am off to celebrate.

Carry on dudes.

Trumping the Easter Bunny

When our girls were growing up

Stuart used to complain that 

The Easter Bunny and Santa

 got too much credit.

They brought all the good stuff.

Now with grand kids

this story changes.

 This morning we loaded up and 

headed down the road to the kids' house.

We had a gift in tow.

 Aubrie kept saying she wanted a bunny or a fish for Easter.

Actually, she harped about it.

She ran that train into the ground.

I asked Pa Stuart what were his thoughts.

I asked their mom, Annie.

She said she didn't care.

She really said that.

So, Stuart said he would see a man about some rabbits.

Our neighbor had 8.

And a hutch he wasn't using.

Free.

Now that was a deal.

So we got 3 males.

No birth control required.

Lucy, no reproduction 'splaining to do. 

The kiddos were hunting eggs and 

unwrapping chocolate 

when we got there.

When we said there is a surprise outside

the stampede started.

They were surprised.

They named them 

Max, Roger, and Kevin.

I think Freaked,  Scratching Your Arm, 

and No Way IN Hell You Are Holding Me

would be better names.

Maybe it was the truck ride...

but these rabbits aren't digging the new digs.

I hope time will settle them down.

But the rabbits' displeasure wasn't noticed.

(And no, that isn't Kentucky blue grass.

Annie spray painted in her yard.

I cannot be held responsible...

I can't care.)

Someone got her Easter wish.

Someone got his too.

Ain't that the berries?

Easter ...a repost

Happy Easter to everyone. 
I am so thankful
that God sent his Son to save me.
I am so thankful that his grace is greater
than my sin. 
May you know the peace of having Jesus
as your personal Savior.

(I am re-posting this from last year.)


As Easter approaches

the mother in me 

cannot stop thinking

about Mary, the mother of Jesus.

How must she have felt

to see her oldest son falsely accused,

to see him beaten until his flesh tore,

to hear the howlings of the crowd calling to crucify him,

to see the love of her heart nailed to a cross, 

 to watch as his tortured body hung on that cross

while the crowd mocked him,

to watch his breathing get harder, 

to see him gasp for air,

to watch him die, 

and even worse

to see his heart, with all it's love, be broken?

I cannot fathom how she must have felt.

But I know she understood.

She knew his death meant life,

life of the spirit.

And that the living spirit is love.

She rejoiced at his resurrection.

She welcomed the Holy Spirit 

after his Ascension into Heaven.

She knew that he had entered his kingdom.

His kingdom isn't about pageantry

but about total perfection.
It is not about greatness but his goodness.

He is the only king who can rule hearts 

and heal them with his own wounds.
She realized he would be reborn in the lives
of the lowly and the humble again and again.

Mary knew the truth.

She knew that that terrible day

was not an ending, but a wonderful beginning.

Under the shadow of his cross,

we can find love and a new life.

It is there for our taking.

All we need to do is ask.
Happy and Blessed Easter everyone!

For God sent not His Son into the world

to condemn the world; 

but that the world through Him might be saved.

John 3:17

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.
I give eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand.
John 10:27,28