Thursday, July 19, 2012

Death by text

I have an Iphone.
She is a smart phone.
My very own Suze Orman.
Smart but annoying.
A smart phone who daily 
makes me look like an idiot.
The autocorrect feature is something
I cannot get used to.
I am a texter.
Big time.
I am always flying around
like my hair is on fire,
therefore I love texting.
No time spent talking on the phone.
I can multi task and get even more done.
Truth be told I would probably
do a better job at everything
if I didn't try to do so many tasks at once.
It could be why I am always
finding things I have half-assed.
Like wiping out the fridge
only to come back in an hour 
to find the bottle of syrup
on it's side with the lid partially open
on  a shelf that is not removeable.
Now that is a lovely surprise.
Especially when you haven't had pancakes in six months.
Even sweeter,
cleaning it all up
only to come back in an hour and step in a puddle of it
you didn't seem to notice. 
But during all the syrup havoc I have 
texted aprox. 23 times.
But I digress.
The moral of the story is autocorrect.
I cannot remember to look at my message before 
I hit send.
I am sending dandy messages.
I told Abbie that
I was a toy train.
I have no idea what I was really wanting to say.
I text "fave" and it says "Dave"
and the receiver wonders who is Dave?
Every time I want to say "do"
the blasted thing says "Di."
Now I did love the Princess but 
I have moved on since her death.
Stuart was putting up the ceiling
on Maggie's new house's porch
one really hot Sunday morning.
I went to church and he texted me 
on  his ancient phone
the one and only text
that he always sends...
the only one he knows how to send...
"how u doing"
I was working in the church coffee shop.
I thought I texted back
"good, working at church."
But instead I texted back
"good, whoring at church"
I have re-named my smart phone
Smart-ass phone.
She is killing me
one text at a time.



  1. girl that is a seriously hilarious autocorrect... but I guess if you gonna be, em, 'whoring' might as well be at church eh?

    is it next BC gathering time yet??

  2. I texted a friend saying I was doing 'humping jacks'. Autocorrect is a mess. If I was as smart as my phone I could turn it off perhaps! I'm coming to your hood soon. I'm having seperation anxiety.

  3. I have a really old cell phone. (Well, actually, I have a brand new, fancy one that came yesterday, but I haven't opened the box, yet.) Anyway, I only use "abc" on my really old cell phone b/c I can't stand my phone finishing my words. I guess I'm too much of a control freak.

  4. Too funny!!!! I have the same problem with my IPad. It's always trying to "correct" things that I type. I've learned to check everything before I hit send. Technology can sometimes drive me crazy!!!!

    Diane J./Ohio

  5. hehe Thanks for a Thursday morning laugh!

  6. And....then you just want your flip phone back...Been there done that , Janie.
    I hated my new high techy phone.
    When I took my fancy phone back.....they looked at me like i was a cave woman.

  7. you know you are just frustrated cause you wanna be able to type cuss words easier..... :)

  8. Hilarious this morning, Janie! I am big on texting "hah" because I am insecure and think no one gets my humor. I text a friend something I thought was humorous, ending with "a friend is walking down to see me in this heat, Hah" which was autocorrected to "Hag". Now my friend thinks I am very unappreciative of company!

  9. Oh my word this is so funny. I need your number. Texting is my day job.

    And also, I have moved on from Di just recently. Actually last year at the wedding I finally got over it. She and I were close you know, I had a front seat at her wedding. In my living room. In my nightgown. And Ernie fuzzy bedroom shoes. Law. Now I miss her all over again. Thanks Janie.


  10. Staff is wondering why I am laughing so loud!! Gotta love those smart-phones...:)

  11. I have exactly the same issue. My neice, Cristine, cannot figure out why I keep calling her Frostiness.... I am a texting addict and I admit it. Ann

  12. I turned off my autocorrect!!

  13. Cory texted his boss "Satan is awesome!" instead of "Dagan" (a Crossing student who was speaking at an event).

  14. I just started texting last year (the only way to communicate with my teenage boys) and they always laugh at me because I end every text, mom. Apparently you don't need to sign off as the text automatically comes up as "mom". Oh well. As for autocorrect...I had to turn it off or throw my phone across the room..turning it off seemed cheaper and more mature.

  15. Whoring at church! I am not a texter. It looks like maybe it's just as well. :)

  16. Snicker, snicker! Been there...done that....well, not the whoring in church made my evening.

  17. Baw-HaHa-Ha...u ninney! Now I get it...Bev said read her I have...whoring in church...I swear! ur just too funney girl...Love ya!!!

  18. haha........funny stuff!!

    You can turn off the auto-correct ;)

  19. My phone and I had this same battle. My oldest daughter turned auto correct off for me. LOL.


Thanks for reading my blather. I read every comment. They make my heart happy!