Our twin sons.

 Easter is usually an emotional day for me.
Not only is it the day
that I am most thankful for,
that Jesus died for me
and washed away my sins
so that I might live eternally 
but also it is a day I remember 
with gratitude and sadness.
On April 22nd, 1984

they were born

on Easter Sunday

at Jewish Hospital in St. Louis

by an emergency cesarean.

They were 6 weeks early.

They were twin boys 

with red hair like their mom.
We welcomed

Daniel Stephen and Douglas Stuart Fox.

They were lovingly named after 

their dad's two older brothers,
Douglas and Stephen.

They were a combined weight 

of 8lbs.7 oz., and were 21" long.

You see, they were conjoined.

They shared a heart and part of their livers.
They were joined nipple to nipple
and down to their navel.
A very small connection when
you consider the size of a newborn.

It was a scary day,

with a huge team in the delivery room.

At least 25 people were present.

Some were for me, some for them.

I got to see my babies in a incubator 

before they were taken away.

A lot of it is foggy to me.

I think the drugs and stress

caused a big part of this.

 I had a large vertical incision
for their delivery

since they were so large.

It was a pretty tough first few days.

They were taken to Children's

and I was in Jewish/Barnes.

I could go visit in a wheelchair 

after a few days.

Stuart got to stay in my room which

was really unheard of in those days.

I was released after a week and

 we stayed in the Ronald McDonald House.

Finally, I got to hold my babies.

As soon as they were in my arms

they opened their eyes.
We hadn't seen their eyes open before.

They knew me.

I cry joyful tears remembering it.

The doctors did lots of tests

and consulted with

doctors around the world.

The consensus was not good.

There was no fixing the situation.

Their heart had 4 chambers at the top

but only 2 in the bottom.

Since the top does the storing and
the bottom does the pumping

this wasn't good news.

There would be no separating them.

The fact was they were going to live
until their combined heart gave out.

There was nothing anyone could do.

We visited the unit and sat with them.

It was really difficult,

because Annie was 20 mos. old

and back at home over 2 hours away.

I wanted to be both places.

Stuart and I were blessed 

to have both our moms there the entire time.

They kept us fed and kept us loved.
After our experience with Ollie Faith,
I now realize how difficult it was for them also.

We would call in the night to check on the babies.

After about two weeks,

they were having really hard nights.

We were told they were 

getting close to heart failure.

The doctors said we needed to make a decision.

We could leave them in the unit

and take the chance that

we would be with them, 

or move them to a special room

and unhook the machines

and be with them when they died.

I went in the bathroom.

I wanted to scream.

I cried out to God,

how do we decide this?

We prayed and we decided the latter,

because we absolutely wanted to be with them

when they went home to Jesus.

Our entire families came.

Everyone held them.

Everyone loved on them.

Then everyone left the room.

Stuart and I took 

our sweet sons and held them

while sitting in a window seat in the sun.

A nurse came and explained that

she would take off the oxygen.

She said they would gasp a few times 

and then they would be gone.

We kissed their faces.

We told them how much we loved them.

We promised we would see them again.

We told them how much more

Jesus loved them than we did.

The nurse came in and did what she explained.

It happened just as she said it would.

They were 17 days old.

It was my Dad's 65th birthday.

Eventually, the days got easier, 

although the grief never goes away.

However, the experience has blessed us immensely.

We had Abbie 2 weeks short of a year later.

We had Maggie 20 months after that.

We grew in our marriage

and we grew in our faith.

Our families bonded with each other.

When we couldn't find strength

Jesus carried us.

When we couldn't find words to pray

the Holy Spirit prayed for us.

We learned what is important in life

and what is just stuff.

It formed our character,

 gave us perspective, and real compassion.

I wouldn't change a thing. 

God's plan is always the best.

I am trusting God's promises.

 I am seeing my twins again one day.

We are spending eternity together.

This life on earth is short.

Eternity is a better deal.

It is the one deal I know I can count on.
You can count on it too,
 if you will give him your heart
and give him your life.

For God so loved the world,

he gave his only Son,

that whoever believes in him

should not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:16