I read a blog tonight by Shannan.
She writes like I want to when I grow up.
She said some things that spoke to me.
I put on a brave face, a lot.
I fake it until I make it.
The truth is I am sad inside
even when I am happy inside.
I know I sound crazy, but it is true.
I miss my Dad's true personality.
I am selfish.
I miss my free time.
I miss time to do whatever I want
and not worry about what they are doing.
But they are my folks
and I am so blessed to have them.
I refuse to let the bad things
that are happening
leave bad/sad memories.
Instead I am committing to
storing up and treasuring all the good.
But when it is dark and the world is asleep,
the enemy lies to me.
He whispers things I don't want to believe
but sometimes do.
I wander the floors in my old house
and I ponder the what ifs.
Many nights I read inspirational blogs.
I watch TV, clean, do laundry, and sometimes cry.
But if I go to His word...
there I always find comfort.
I wish I could say that is my first choice of action
but many times I plod through the wee hours
spinning my wheels
before I finally seek Him.
The truth is hardships and distress
are the very essence of this decaying world.
I am not alone in troubles.
I don't want to be a whiner.
But I am sad
and I don't like it.
I want a quick fix and there isn't one.
I want to get over myself but I can't...
not on my own.
But when I sit in His presence,
He shines peace into my troubled heart.
He lifts me up from my circumstances
and He gives me hope.
He gives me perspective.
He gives me rest.