A Stronghold in Times of Trouble

I read a blog tonight by Shannan.

She writes like I want to when I grow up.

She said some things that spoke to me.

I put on a brave face, a lot.

I fake it until I make it.

The truth is I am sad inside 

even when I am happy inside.

I know I sound crazy, but it is true.

 I miss my Dad's true personality.

I am selfish.

I miss my free time.

I miss time to do whatever I want

and not worry about what they are doing.

But they are my folks

and I am so blessed to have them.

I refuse to let the bad things 

that are happening

leave bad/sad memories.

 Instead I am committing to

storing up and treasuring all the good.

But when it is dark and the world is asleep,

the enemy lies to me.

He whispers things I don't want to believe

but sometimes do.

I wander the floors in my old house

and I ponder the what ifs.

Many nights I read inspirational blogs.

I watch TV, clean, do laundry, and sometimes cry.

But if I go to His word...

there I always find comfort.

I wish I could say that is my first choice of action

but many times I plod through the wee hours

spinning my wheels

before I finally seek Him.

The truth is hardships and distress

are the very essence of this decaying world.

I am not alone in troubles.

I don't want to be a whiner.

But I am sad

and I don't like it.

I want a quick fix and there isn't one.

I want to get over myself but I can't...

not on my own.

But when I sit in His presence,

He shines peace into my troubled heart.

He lifts me up from my circumstances

and He gives me hope.

He gives me perspective.

He gives me rest.