Sunday, January 8, 2012

Knee time

This weekend I watched the Notebook.
It may not have been a good idea.
In hindsight it definitely wasn't.
I cried all through it.
I have cried every time I think of it.
My favorite line of the movie...
"your mother is my home."
Hello my reality.
Dad's dementia is hard to watch.
Mom's struggle with it is really difficult at times.
She has a hard time being independent. 
Assisted living is wonderful but most of the time
she would like one of us there every day, all day.
And that gets frustrating...
and then the guilt sets in.
A roller-coaster of emotions.
I re-read my archives about Mom and Dad.
In the last year many things have changed.
I cry thinking about how the next year
will most likely bring many more not so good changes.
I know I have so many blessings.
I know God continues to bless me daily.
I usually focus on the good things in life.
The majority of the time I am happy and content.
I know so many have it worse than I do.
I try to keep my eye on the positives
and my heart on God's promises.
And when I fail...
prayer works.
Every.single.time. 


but those who hope in the LORD
   will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
   they will run and not grow weary,
   they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:31



26 comments:

  1. My heart is heavy for you. My sister and I are dealing with a very similar situation. It is such a roller coaster that I don't even blog about it. Today is ok and tomorrow will be too... but the year to come...I just don't know. One day at a time and pray. You are in mine.

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  2. Oh Janie, I am totally with you on this. Ever since my mom had that mini-stroke, I can see more and more confusion happen every time I talk to her. It's so hard.

    Brenda

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  3. These are the things I dread. Praying for you. That movie makes me a mess.

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  4. I so loved that movie, his love for her was unconditional and my heart ached for him as he tried to hard to always be there for her, I thought it beautiful that they went "home" together. I know what you are going through is tough, just focus on knowing how much your parents love each other. Sending big hugs and many prayers.....:-)

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  5. That is one movie that tugs at my heart! I love James Garner anyway and he was precious in it. I do understand what you are feeling. My dads struggle is finally over. I'm so glad we can get on our knees and pray to our heavenly Father.

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  6. That movie so shouts what the true meaning of love is . . . I love that movie:O) One thing for sure, when you have God in your life, it's a guarantee that everything will be alright. I had to live that to know it. Blessings, Sandy:O)

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  7. girl, this is tough stuff.

    prayer... it changes things, including us. AMEN!

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  8. gentle hugs my sweet friend ! I'm walking a similar path with my mother and it's hard not to think how unfair it all seems....

    (((((Janie))))))

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  9. tears are good. They help release many emotions. You are doing what you need too. These are hard days. I'm always thankful to God for his grace.. And to know others have walked this...and survived. "Jesus, I understand the pain Janie feels.please wrap her up lovingly in your arms of peace and comfort. Help us all to rest in you."
    hugs to,my friend.

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  10. It would be hard ...I am sorry that u have to go through this. Prayers with you.

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  11. Love you, Cousin. Please know that you are not alone in this.

    xoxo

    C.A.

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  12. I'm going to stash the "address" for this post away. I suspect I will be digging it out a time or two in the coming year. I'm "behind you" in more than one way.

    And I just could never make it through the Notebook. I'm SURE of it.

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  13. Sending prayers up for you and your family, sweet Janie! :)

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  14. Janie, I am struggling with a similar situation with my partents. I live in Texas, they live in NC..very hard at times and the guilt is unbearing at times..My prayers are with you and your family.
    The Notebook is my all time favorite movie! I have watched it a million times and still cry!

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  15. Love that verse. Praying for you. Thank you for sharing, I look forward to reading what you have to say.

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  16. Roller coaster of emotions. Totally. I never did like roller coasters.

    I am experiencing some of this with Edd. I know those who have said The Notebook is their favorite movie. Hmm... I wonder... they just don't know. How can they? Very, very hard. Life is different than the movies.

    But... God is in it. I'm believing that more and more... doesn't necessarily make it any easier though. Thinking of you my friend. You will be okay.. :)

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  17. I just spent the weekend with my grandparents - he is 93, she 88.

    Their 70th wedding anniversary is in June.

    I can't imagine them not being together. I don't think they can either.

    So I am sending love and strength. And hopefully peace for everyone involved.

    Soon.

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  18. <<>>. Girl, you gotta treat yourself with some TLC.
    I lost my Dad to ALZ 4 yrs. ago. I never watched that movie and don't intend to. Reality is hard enough at times w/o seeing it dramatized. I found there was nothing to be gained by looking back or trying to second-guess the future. God's grace was sufficient for each day. You must stay in the moment. That's key. And if you're gonna watch a movie watch something that is uplifting, funny, or encouraging, not something that hits every exposed nerve you have...Don't make me stop this car!

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  19. Be encouraged Janie- you are doing all that you can, and more than most for your parents, and they know they are loved. DO NOT fall into the trap of guilt and "what-ifs"- that is not from God. I speak from the experience of having my step-father and father-in-law both diagnosed with advanced stage Alzheimer's, and from a son in recovery from severe drug addiction (for a fourth time...sigh).Your verse today is my go-to reminder when the days are hard and dark.

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  20. My dear friend...There is a season for everything...Keep Jesus in your Heart...and Prayer is Awesome!!!Love you Carolyn

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  21. You are in my thoughts. It is so hard to see our parents and grandparents age...it has been front and center in my mind lately as my grandmother is battling leukemia. The Notebook probably wasnt the best movie for you to watch...is there anything sweeter than Noah's love? I saw a funny quote on pinterest the other day it said, "Noah wrote Allie 365 letters, I would think you could answer 1 text message!" :)

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  22. I can see how watching The Notebook would affect you so deeply. That's one movie I just don't watch very often for its "tear jerker factor". I can't imagine how difficult it is to have a parent with dementia...to have them there, but not be the same person. It would be tough for anybody to go through.
    The bad news: I tagged you in today's post. If you don't do these/don't want to, no worries!

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  23. Oh, Janie, Isaiah 40:31 has been my favorite scripture all my born days. I'll pray for you-all and you pray for us. My brother (I've written about this) is a felon and in jail (awaiting drug treatment) and it is SO hard on my parents. It is all they want to talk about. Then that is hard on my sister and I. Families are something! Love, Cheryl

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Thanks for reading my blather. I read every comment. They make my heart happy!