Monday, May 21, 2012
3rd Sunday Market lessons
1. A weekend with my girls is better than any a weekend in any 4 star spa.
2. Staying in a hotel with a shower that performs like a baby sneezes, a broken vending machine, no ice machine in sight, and compounding that with an A/C that makes you long for January can make for a lovely stay. Or not.
3. Giving a six year old a camera turns adults into fools.
4. Sometimes dead eye runs in the family.
5. Sometimes idiots do too.
6. 90 degree heat, slatherings of sunscreen, and blowing dirt makes a girl crusty.
7. Some do crusty way cuter than others.
8. Using fake tan before an outside event in full sun only draws attention to the poor application on your knees and heels. Call me Cinnamon Gram. My loving family does. I should have Cinnamon Insta"grammed" it.
9.Visiting around the booth made me aware that Jackie is both deaf and dumb.
10. Our pals Darby and Lauren confirmed that I am also deaf and Jackie is indeed dumb.
11. When an elderly diabetic man overheats we roll out our Dr. (Abbie) in the family and serve up sliced apples. We also call the medical cart.
12. We people watch and we wise crack.
Case in point...as medical cart is pulling away with the weary, ill man ...a lady rushes in front of the cart carrying a picket fence dealio causing the cart to have to wait until she passes.
A bit of the commentary we provided :
1. "Quick, I have to get this ugly ass picket fence shelf to my car before you treat this dying man."
2. " I am going to rush in front of you, trip and impale myself on this hideous picket fence shelf so I can ride on the medical cart too."
13. When faced with fair food choices I will pay $6.00 for a plain chicken breast.
14. Buying art supplies to occupy a six year old during a long hot day and leaving them at the hotel is living on the edge.
15. When one of your favorite cousins comes out to the fairgrounds to see you and them posts on facebook " Fun morning looking around at the 3rd Sunday Market and seeing two of my better looking cousins, Janie Fox and Jackie Lively. So many things I wanted to buy, but then I think of all the things I have to dust now!"
makes me both thrilled that he wears glasses and also thrilled that they must not work well since there is no mention of the two goat hairs I discovered on my neck upon arrival at home. Damn you Dead Estrogen and your rearing of your ugly head.(hairs)
16. I, Janie Fox, who spent the majority of the day with my Genie Bra strap showing morphs into Fashion Police when faced with sitting and watching people.
Fashion Rule #1
Be decisive. Pick your destination. Do not attempt to do two activities at once.
1. Flea Market or 2. Beach.
Trying to work on your tan while perusing antiques and collectibles is just wrong.
Wearing a bikini top, tankini top or full on swimsuit with shorts is flat out asking for ridicule.
Fashion Rule #2
Young girl with the dress just past your "china"...that tee shirt cannot double as a dress. We can't care if it is your first date with The Beefcake. Walking around in this windy dustbowl will surely send you home with a yeast infection. You better Monostat up girlie.
17. Being able to hook up a gooseneck cattle trailer in three attempts makes me a rockstar... with a crickety neck.
18. Having a chiropractor in tow makes me a lucky duck.
19. Coming home to a hot shower, hot man, and a hot chicken breast makes me a happy camper.
20. Time with some of your most favorite people is worth more than a fairground chicken breast. It is priceless.
P.S. Abbie's version of the weekend