Saturday, January 21, 2012

Dogs vs. Cats


Although I have owned cats in my life,
I am a dog person.
I believe dogs are superior
and to support my opinion I give you these 
facts about dogs:

1. They leave gifts in the yard that are handy for stepping in.
Litter boxes are not convenient for feet.

2. They alert you to danger when a stranger knocks at the door,
a car pulls in your drive, a bird lands on a wire a mile away, or a mouse farts somewhere in the world.

3. They leap up onto your lap in an instant and lick the inside of your mouth. They are way faster than it takes to work up a spit.

4. They keep your reflexes sharp by darting under your feet whilst you carry a full laundry basket. Cats might try this, but most don't have the girth to genuinely test your balance skills.

5. They aid you in your quest for 10,000 steps a day by whining at the door to go out and relieve themselves, only to return to the door in 49 seconds just after you have just seated yourself.

6. They will eat anything you drop on the floor. Lint is no exception. Show me a cat who will take up residence under a highchair and I'll eat your lint.

7. They will chase a car even after being ran over three times in the past.

8. They have no concept of time. They will throw a party when you enter the house even if you just went to the mailbox.

9. They need their anal glands attended to on a regular basis thus creating bonding times for you and your vet.

10. A cat thinks it is God and a dog thinks you are God.







19 comments:

  1. I agree! Cats are prissy! Thanks for the laughs this morning!

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  2. I would be a much better writer if I wrote with a Labrador curled up at my feet. I just know it. I grew up with cats. I have serious baggage with cats.

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  3. I am with you all the way. Dog, spelled backward is God. And all of the dogs I've loved have been a blessing. :)

    xo

    C.A.

    PS...comments are fixed, I think. Thanks for letting me know...and for the message. You always make my day. I miss you too, Cuz.

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  4. ooooh my gosh, i am totally laughing, I never laugh out loud, but the mouse farts and the lint and tears...I have tears in my eyeballs.
    I hate my dog. for all the reasons above, plus the fact I've caught her eating poop. and because she barfs/pees/poops on any piece of carpet or rug...and our house is almost completely hardwood flooring..she manages to find the one area with carpet. GAH.

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  5. Our dog is nestled beside me in my chair now. Princess is his "MaMa". Mr. Is his playmate. I am his "end of the line friend" - the one he hangs with when no one else is available. He is such a snob!

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  6. #4 I beg to differ. Our cats have attempted to injure us using this method on several ocassions. I do believe they're practising for when we are really old. Hopefully we'll outlive them.

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  7. Still laughing over #2 - especially the bird and mouse reference. I like your style!!

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  8. haha... you have an amazing sense of humor...

    "I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive."
    - Gilda Radner

    "You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, `My God, you're RIGHT! I NEVER would've thought of that!'"
    - Dave Barry

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  9. Did you write this? HILARIOUS. "a mouse farts..." true. This is why Chelsea does not sleep with us. She hears a sound (and we live very near the woods) and she is standing ON THE BED, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT barking. omg. give me a fuhreaking break! xo, Cheryl

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  10. Hahaha. Okay, you had me at anal glands.... Seriously I am a Cat Person who is now a Dog and Cat person. I love them both! I had a cat that would sit under the high chair and eat up the scraps - how do you like your lint? Frozen or sauteed? Saw your darlings last night and I think we were all a little stunned to actually meet in person. Beautiful, beautiful children and parents. You all are doing something right up there! And surprises for me! A gorgeous painting of my girls!! (the ones with the anal glands) and a fabulous book from Mrs. Janie Fox that I will peruse while sipping some tea from the sweet cup that was also included in the bag. Wish I could hug you! Wish I coulda hugged THEM, but I'm still "vacation sick". Hope their trip back was smooth. Hope you ALL come back soon. Ann

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  11. This was hilarious. I'm both - love dogs and cats but I have to admit to being a tiny bit more partial to cats. For one simple reason: cats don't eat their own poop. And like The Boston Lady, we also had a cat who hung out under the high chair. We currently have one who hangs out under the dinner table waiting for crumbs.

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  12. Amen sister - I love dogs - just love them. And they just love you back - sandie

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  13. I love my babies (red rot/pit mixed, black lab) Buttons & Jack, and everything about them . . . too funny :O)

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  14. I couldn't have said it better myself! Love my dogs...we've never had a cat (and will never have one), but my dogs do love their mama! :)

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  15. OK, I am a cat lover through & through.
    I have 4 now. I've had dogs too & I must say I'm thinking about getting another one alot these days. As an animal lover in general, it's really hard to choose. I've been through the anal glands, & the extra bone because I went out to get the paper off the stoop, & the greetings like every day is Christmas..yeah, I love dogs. But cats...mine are spoiled. They nuzzle, they come when I call them, when I pull up the driveway, my blinds start moving & I catch glimpses of little paws.
    They've declared my $50 Pottery Barn throw as theirs. They do believe they are God & they come as close to the divine as is possible. Yeah, I love cats. And I love anyone who loves cats, dogs & animals in general. Great post!!

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  16. Even after agreeing with and relating to every one of those facts, I am still a dog person. Thanks for the laugh...and grossness...:-)

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  17. Dear girl you need to be selling this stuff. It's all so true, but you make the the truth of it hilarious.

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  18. I was laughing so hard after #2 that I couldn't see to keep reading. After 49 seconds I returned to finish it after laughing until I couldn't see straight I had to go read it to my husband, whilst our two dogs went bizerk all over scratching, arfhing and notifying us of mouse farts......haaaaahhhhhaaaaahhahahahhha snort.

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Thanks for reading my blather. I read every comment. They make my heart happy!