Friday, December 16, 2011

FYI



  •  I went shopping with my fave sister in law, Jamie yesterday. She is stupid in a good way. And she is a good car park-er. She finds the furthest spot and then only parks halfway in it. It makes it uber easy to find your vehicle.
  •  After lunch I crossed the parking lot and slipped... on a banana peel. Seriously, they really are slippery and look similar to poop when exposed to the elements. The More You Know.
  • Stuart took pity on me and helped wrap gifts for the first time in 32 years. They look terrible but I can't care. 
  • Eating the popcorn treats you bought for your mailman can send you into gastric distress. Cruel joke Mr. Poppycock.
  • I am driving one of the farm trucks b/c my car is being repaired from a run-in with a deer. I miss my heated seats and XM radio. But, I have the bonus of smelling a little like a heifer now when I arrive to my destination. Winning.
  • I cannot sleep because apparently gift wrapping exhausts Stuart so that he is snoring like a train and sleeping like a starfish in the bed. Oh, and well the popcorn consequences too.
  • My 9 yr old nephew, Chase also reads my blog. Now he wants to know what a Brazilian Butt Wax is.
Dear Chase,
     Some people have hairy monkey butts. They put warm wax on their heinie and then when it cools they pull it off and the wax comes off with the hair attached. 
                                                          Love, 
                                                                Aunt Janie
P.S. I do not have a monkey butt.
  • I am thinking PSA's may be my new thingie. It could be my way to give back. My pay it forward so to speak.
     Topics welcomed.
  •  I am helping with Aubrie's kindergarten class on Monday morning. I told the teacher in an email "I will be there with bells on. Literally, elf bells. It will explain Aubrie, for real." I am slightly regretting that email. Nah, I can't care.
  • UPDATE: I have realized Chase is 12. I am shocked that he has aged 3 years over night. He may need to talk to Marie Osmond if this keeps up.


17 comments:

  1. Wish I had that description of husband snoring before mine went for his sleep test. (I had to answer a few questions on the form and found it difficult to find appropriate words to convey the experience of sharing a bed with him. Snoring-wise, I mean.)

    PSAs might be the perfect thing for you! Seeing your Blog Archive over in the right column, it appears you've had a full year of Warm Ups!

    Note to Chase: Chase, I'm glad you asked. I was wondering too. Sincerely, Clueless in Harlan

    Oh. and re. parking, it sounds like your Jamie is either on to something (or ON something). I'm thinking about giving it a trial run today.

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  2. Jamie is a girl after my own heart. I love that she doesnt let the man get her down and does her thing. I wouuld so use my favorite expression here but I'm trying to quit swearing...again.
    Stu=John in the snoring/starfish department. His snoring woke me up at 1:45, but it's the insomnia I got for my 36th birthday that's kept me up for the party. What party you ask? No party. Sigh. Stu is John not so much in the gift wrapping. He would never offer and I would never accept. He's lazy and I'm an obnoxious OCD perfectionist. Only 1 of those statements is true. :(
    Chase is the same age as Daythan so he's gotta be about 12 now. To which I say welcome to the time warp I frequent, and wth are they teaching kids on the school bus nowadays? It's his 16 year old goth neighbor Larry's job to teach him these things. Jeez.
    I double dog dare you to show up Monday looking like Bette Midler in her new jingle bells commercial. If you do I will love you forever, it would still"explain" Aubrie and Aubrie would love you more!

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  3. Thanks for the mornIng laugh. I needed to wake up to something light. I was up way too late with laundry and cleaning up behind the other 3 people in my house who can't care to do so. Can't wait till Christmas Break for a little r and r.
    Happy Friday!

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  4. Aw, hope you feel better.

    I like that parking trick.

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  5. I see you've stolen my starfish comment....it's ok....i guess. :)

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  6. oh girlie...you just too much. love your humor;)

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  7. your silly self makes me smile!

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  8. You stole that starfish comment from Abbie?!?!
    You're pathetic.
    (Just kidding! Why did I come back here?
    I'M pathetic!)

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  9. Dear Chase,
    Just remember your Auntie loves you.
    Also, remember that she simply wants the best for you. It is important to have people in your life that will tell you like it is. I think you are set in that department.
    Now dont go askin your teachers if they have monkey butts.. That is for you to sit and ponder on your own as you sit in class.
    Yours Sincerly...Reality Jayne

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  10. Ha! Larry! Us! You've made me smile, lady. xoxo

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  11. This one is a classic. We'll be referring to it for years to come.
    Keep on with your Merry self - it does a body good.
    Renee
    Austin, TX

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  12. You are having a rough time of it...banana peels and wrapping gifts - take it easy so you survive here! sandie

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  13. True story: when Cade was little, like 3 or 4, he had diarrhea really badly, and I fed him popcorn. It SEEMED like something that would stop a person up. Not so much. I felt so bad.

    Popcorn is a natural laxative, and bananas have the opposite effect. I learned the second thing by allowing Clementine to eat as many bananas as she wanted, when she was smaller.

    My poor kids.

    I think cows and horses smell great. Not cow and horse POOP, but the cows and horses. My cousins live on a dairy farm, and my Rachel lives in a huge apartment above her horse barn, and all of these people smell flat-out TERRIFIC. So I'm sure you smell terrific, too. Sorry about your car, though.

    Thank you for your post. You actually made me feel a little bit better, and that's saying something.

    I love you, Janie. And I'm glad you bought the F-P nativity. It's great, and don't neglect to put AA batteries in it, when you get it. I never put batteries in it, last year, but I did, this year, and the little song is so cute. The girls love it.

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  14. Oh this made my day. Question is, will Chase continue reading.... bet he will. Ann

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  15. BTW - Chase is not the youngest to read your blather... I read ALL your post highlights to my whole family. Mostly cause I started, like you, all deep n sad about Ollie's need for a family... Then I read the beginning of your next post re. uber easy to find parking spot and almost spit out my coffee. I had to read that to my family. Then I got carried away by Stu's awesome help (hint hint hubby)... THEN the monkey butt came up before I was ready to censor. Crap. But your explanation was just too perfect so we went with it! Thanks for the quality family time. You for sure should do PSAs. I put you right up there w/The Hallmark channel!
    love ya lots,
    Leslie

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  16. I just found your blog thru Farmgirl Paints...I started reading older posts and as Im sitting at my computer in a Kindergarten class (they are at recess, Im not ignoring them....) I started laughing out loud. The brazillian wax got me hysterically!!! I'm guessing I have to add you to my favorites, cuz every girl needs a good laugh!! I too think I should do public service announcements...my last one had to do with people who put their Christmas decorations up before they throw their smooshy moldy pumpkins away....My husband says I have entirely too many "quirks"...seriously though, if you're too stupid to do it on your own, someone should point it out to you, right?! Bless their hearts, as we say in the south!!

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Thanks for reading my blather. I read every comment. They make my heart happy!