Country Boy

 

I married a country boy.

I love him a bushel and a peck.
He is sweet as pie.

He is a peach.

He is tougher than nails.

He is stronger than an ox.

You get the drift.

He is famous for his colloquialisms. 

Seriously, the man has many.

I have heard them forever.

When anyone new comes around,

they find him hilarious.

(I'm funnier)

He sometimes even surprises  me.

The man has a southern drawl.

No one knows from whence it came

because he grew up in central IL.

He says central Illi "noise".

We go south and they always 

say I figured you were from around these parts.

I thought I'd share a few of his "sayings" with you.

Some are a little risque' with some ornery  language.

He has a heart that loves Jesus

and a mouth that needs work.

They involve the word sh** a lot.

I apologize right here and now.

Believe me there are worse.

I give him heck when he slips one of those in.

Here goes: 

Shining like a diamond in a goat's a**

Full as a tick.

Colder than a well digger's a**.

Crooked as a dog's hind legs.

Wild as a peach orchard boar.

Fits like socks on a rooster
( which means it doesn't fit)

Rough as a cob.

Poorer than Job.

That's how the hog ate the cabbage.

(for what the truth of the matter is)

So buck-toothed they could eat corn on the cob

through a picket fence.

Harder than a whore's heart.

 Sweating like a whore in church.

 Useless as tits on a boar.

 Kill 'em all and let God sort 'em.

Don't know shi*from apple butter,

or shi* from Shineola.

 I just ate a shi* sandwich.

(something went wrong)

Raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock.

 Shaking like a dog shi**ing  peach seeds. 

Crazier than a pet coon.

Busier than a one-legged man in an a**-kicking contest.

See you around like a donut.

 Busier than a cat covering shi*.

   We are from Shi**yville, Illinowhere.

Who do you think you are the wise old owl

or the feather a** bird?

 That went over like a turd in a punch bowl.

(And his fave is to quote Ricky Bobby)

If you ain't first, you're last.

There's a sampling.

The man loves to describe his subjects

in a colorful way to say the least.

If you know him, you have heard many of them.

He has a heart of gold.

He'd give your the shirt off his back

and break that back to help you.

I love him madly.

Now, I am off to give him a big ol' hug and
wash his mouth out with soap. HA!