Friday, May 13, 2011

Country Boy

 

I married a country boy.
I love him a bushel and a peck.
He is sweet as pie.
He is a peach.
He is tougher than nails.
He is stronger than an ox.
You get the drift.
He is famous for his colloquialisms. 
Seriously, the man has many.
I have heard them forever.
When anyone new comes around,
they find him hilarious.
(I'm funnier)
He sometimes even surprises  me.
The man has a southern drawl.
No one knows from whence it came
because he grew up in central IL.
He says central Illi "noise".
We go south and they always 
say I figured you were from around these parts.

I thought I'd share a few of his "sayings" with you.
Some are a little risque' with some ornery  language.
He has a heart that loves Jesus
and a mouth that needs work.
They involve the word sh** a lot.
I apologize right here and now.
Believe me there are worse.
I give him heck when he slips one of those in.
Here goes: 

Shining like a diamond in a goat's a**

Full as a tick.

Colder than a well digger's a**.

Crooked as a dog's hind legs.

Wild as a peach orchard boar.

Fits like socks on a rooster
( which means it doesn't fit)

Rough as a cob.

Poorer than Job.

That's how the hog ate the cabbage.
(for what the truth of the matter is)

So buck-toothed they could eat corn on the cob
through a picket fence.

Harder than a whore's heart.

 Sweating like a whore in church.

 Useless as tits on a boar.

 Kill 'em all and let God sort 'em.

Don't know shi*from apple butter,
or shi* from Shineola.

 I just ate a shi* sandwich.
(something went wrong)

Raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock.

 Shaking like a dog shi**ing  peach seeds. 

Crazier than a pet coon.

Busier than a one-legged man in an a**-kicking contest.

See you around like a donut.

 Busier than a cat covering shi*.

   We are from Shi**yville, Illinowhere.

Who do you think you are the wise old owl
or the feather a** bird?

 That went over like a turd in a punch bowl.

(And his fave is to quote Ricky Bobby)
If you ain't first, you're last.

There's a sampling.
The man loves to describe his subjects
in a colorful way to say the least.
If you know him, you have heard many of them.
He has a heart of gold.
He'd give your the shirt off his back
and break that back to help you.
I love him madly.
Now, I am off to give him a big ol' hug and
wash his mouth out with soap. HA!












9 comments:

  1. I adore Stu. You know that. I don't give dirty overalled men hugs all the time - I couldn't help it with Stu. I love his sayings and couldn't get over how many of them my dad used to say, and that I say now. Lord girl, I love ya, and miss you. I'm so behind in your blog that I'll just start fresh here now.

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  2. I love the one about the rooster! JDaniels has tried to put his socks on a stuffed animal, but never a rooster. Thank goodness! It doesn't sound like it would fit.

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  3. Love it and how can you not love a man who quotes Ricky Bobby! Shake n' Bake!

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  4. Had me laughing hysterically :) He is so darn nuts! Plus he says all these with a straight face!

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  5. You've got your hands full there, Janie! What brand of soap do you recommend?

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  6. These are a hoot! I love these two

    Sweating like a whore in church and

    Useless as tits on a boar.

    I have to show my husband he will love these!

    Megan

    http://1funkywoman.blogspot.com

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  7. I'll admit, a lot of these were new to me.

    The hog eating cabbage one makes me giggle.

    And hungry.

    (but then everything makes me hungry...)

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  8. Soo funny! Sounds much like my hubby's mouth (and heart). Wish y'all could drop in for a cold one after a hot farm day!
    hugs,
    Lesllie

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Thanks for reading my blather. I read every comment. They make my heart happy!