Friday, May 13, 2011

Country Boy


I married a country boy.
I love him a bushel and a peck.
He is sweet as pie.
He is a peach.
He is tougher than nails.
He is stronger than an ox.
You get the drift.
He is famous for his colloquialisms. 
Seriously, the man has many.
I have heard them forever.
When anyone new comes around,
they find him hilarious.
(I'm funnier)
He sometimes even surprises  me.
The man has a southern drawl.
No one knows from whence it came
because he grew up in central IL.
He says central Illi "noise".
We go south and they always 
say I figured you were from around these parts.

I thought I'd share a few of his "sayings" with you.
Some are a little risque' with some ornery  language.
He has a heart that loves Jesus
and a mouth that needs work.
They involve the word sh** a lot.
I apologize right here and now.
Believe me there are worse.
I give him heck when he slips one of those in.
Here goes: 

Shining like a diamond in a goat's a**

Full as a tick.

Colder than a well digger's a**.

Crooked as a dog's hind legs.

Wild as a peach orchard boar.

Fits like socks on a rooster
( which means it doesn't fit)

Rough as a cob.

Poorer than Job.

That's how the hog ate the cabbage.
(for what the truth of the matter is)

So buck-toothed they could eat corn on the cob
through a picket fence.

Harder than a whore's heart.

 Sweating like a whore in church.

 Useless as tits on a boar.

 Kill 'em all and let God sort 'em.

Don't know shi*from apple butter,
or shi* from Shineola.

 I just ate a shi* sandwich.
(something went wrong)

Raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock.

 Shaking like a dog shi**ing  peach seeds. 

Crazier than a pet coon.

Busier than a one-legged man in an a**-kicking contest.

See you around like a donut.

 Busier than a cat covering shi*.

   We are from Shi**yville, Illinowhere.

Who do you think you are the wise old owl
or the feather a** bird?

 That went over like a turd in a punch bowl.

(And his fave is to quote Ricky Bobby)
If you ain't first, you're last.

There's a sampling.
The man loves to describe his subjects
in a colorful way to say the least.
If you know him, you have heard many of them.
He has a heart of gold.
He'd give your the shirt off his back
and break that back to help you.
I love him madly.
Now, I am off to give him a big ol' hug and
wash his mouth out with soap. HA!


  1. I adore Stu. You know that. I don't give dirty overalled men hugs all the time - I couldn't help it with Stu. I love his sayings and couldn't get over how many of them my dad used to say, and that I say now. Lord girl, I love ya, and miss you. I'm so behind in your blog that I'll just start fresh here now.

  2. I love the one about the rooster! JDaniels has tried to put his socks on a stuffed animal, but never a rooster. Thank goodness! It doesn't sound like it would fit.

  3. Love it and how can you not love a man who quotes Ricky Bobby! Shake n' Bake!

  4. Had me laughing hysterically :) He is so darn nuts! Plus he says all these with a straight face!

  5. You've got your hands full there, Janie! What brand of soap do you recommend?

  6. These are a hoot! I love these two

    Sweating like a whore in church and

    Useless as tits on a boar.

    I have to show my husband he will love these!


  7. I'll admit, a lot of these were new to me.

    The hog eating cabbage one makes me giggle.

    And hungry.

    (but then everything makes me hungry...)

  8. Soo funny! Sounds much like my hubby's mouth (and heart). Wish y'all could drop in for a cold one after a hot farm day!


Thanks for reading my blather. I read every comment. They make my heart happy!